Fairytales

My life is kind of funny because I'm the kind of person who is able to embrace reality, mainly because I don't have a grip on it. I can't remember the time before I'd seen disney fantasies like The Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast. My life has always existed on some level in my head as The Little Dana or Dana and the Imagination.

This picture was taken a year and half ago at a shop in the Salt Lake City airport terminal. I love it. Most especially, because I never stopped. I just went straight from being young enough to being old enough and my life has been, consequently, enchanted. Sometimes I wonder though, if my grip on reality is thorough enough.

Today I spent a good amount of time in that fairy tale land, trying to craft a story about mermaids. I spent some time doing grueling research (I watched The Little Mermaid...again...I wish I knew how many times I've seen it. It must be nearing the hundreds!). I had an enjoyable day on planet earth, but I really enjoyed the time I spent in the la la land in my head. 

Right now, I'd give anything to jump back into my head and be on the beach, climbing on the moist jetties with salt water spraying icy chill into my noise, craning and looking for that mermaid who would appear among the waves and beckon me to join her. Unless of course, underneath the water her friends are fighting the way mine are right now.

This weekend, one of my friends who has consistently let me down, let me down again. Except the worst thing is, she didn't let me down. She did something stupid that hurt herself and since I love her so much, that hurt me. But basically, this girl is hazard to herself and I don't know what kind of ways I need to slap her to help her get a grip on reality.

I can't get a grip on reality myself. How am I supposed to give it to her?

Except my lack of grip isn't dangerous. My lack of grip allows me to sit in a blank room for an hour and see great adventures taking place behind my eyes. Her lack of grip lets her live thinking that she can avoid consequences of her actions.

She had great dreams. We had great dreams for her. I don't know if they are still even worth contemplating.

Worst of all, I can't give up on her.

The reality is, she is probably going to have to work through some very difficult flaws for the rest of her life. Yet, I can't get a grip on that. I will always see a beautiful path she could be taking and try to steer her toward it.

There is some song on the radio these days "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now". I think I could really use a fairy tale right now. One wish, especially one manipulated into existence, just isn't going to cut it.